just tell him i said nine months
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
