Sry I called you an 8
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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