i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
