Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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