Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
