I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
