I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
