so explain again why im purple
no
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
