I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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