Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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