Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
