The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
