i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
