She is in my trunk
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
