Someone shit on the floor
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
