I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
