can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
