Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
