Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
