so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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