and you said cock pushups were impossible
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
