...so i touched it.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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