this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize