let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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