so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
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If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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