everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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