so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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