Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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