I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
