Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
