I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
