I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
