Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
