Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
They have beer where we have blood.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
