as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
