I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
