Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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