The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
