i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
