I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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