Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
