Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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