I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
