i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
