we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
