is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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