Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I can't turn off my feet"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
