You really coming over, don't trick.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
