You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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