yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
