i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
