just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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