when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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