We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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