You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
