There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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