So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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