somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
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she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
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I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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