I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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