Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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