; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
