i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
