never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
