My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
