ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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