That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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