I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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