So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I won the penis lottery.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
