Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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