my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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