This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
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I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
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I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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