hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
