I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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