Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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