I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
