did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
