if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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