Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
