Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
