My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
