Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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