i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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