A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
