I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
