I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
