Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
