From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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