I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
bring money and cleavage
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
