my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
