I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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