Betty ford says i'm here all night
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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