remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
