Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
